Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

That's a variation on one of the many bagpipe jokes!

... or banjo!

[kernelbogey]

That's a variation on one of the many bagpipe jokes!

I plead the early influence of much wearing of Lederhosen as a child....

[johncorrigan]

Can anyone tell me what I can take for kleptomania?

[Serial_Apologist]

Can anyone tell me what I can take for kleptomania?

Is man spreading just another means for airing one's views?

[Pulcinella]

Probably an old one but new to me.

Q: What's the major cause of dry skin?
A: Towels.

[edashtav]

An old joke but suitable for revival during a Proms season (from the Daily Record 1936)
His Favourite Joke?
G.K. Chesteron could joke about almost anything, but like most bulky men, he specially loved to joke about his girth. He once suggested that there should be a public procession in which persons could represent various prominent buildings. "If someone would like to represent the graceful and gilded form of the Albert Memorial," he said, "I should be only too delighted to stand opposite him, permanently, being myself more of the formation of the Royal Albert Hall”.

[Serial_Apologist]

An old joke but suitable for revival during a Proms season (from the Daily Record 1936)
His Favourite Joke?
G.K. Chesteron could joke about almost anything, but like most bulky men, he specially loved to joke about his girth. He once suggested that there should be a public procession in which persons could represent various prominent buildings. "If someone would like to represent the graceful and gilded form of the Albert Memorial," he said, "I should be only too delighted to stand opposite him, permanently, being myself more of the formation of the Royal Albert Hall”.

Presumably to represent The Shard, one would need to wear a skirt with a very long hem!

[edashtav]

Presumably to represent The Shard, one would need to wear a skirt with a very long hem!

Ahem!

[Serial_Apologist]

Ahem!

An outskirt!

[johncorrigan]

Sherlock is sitting in 221b, Baker Street. 'I think I'm going to organise an exhibition, Watson!'
'Ideal, Holmes!', replies Doctor Watson.

[Serial_Apologist]

Sherlock is sitting in 221b, Baker Street. 'I think I'm going to organise an exhibition, Watson!'
'Ideal, Holmes!', replies Doctor Watson.

[johncorrigan]

I bought a leaf-blower and started earning a few bob tidying up local gardens. But the thing kept breaking down and it was costing money to get it fixed. So I decided to cut my losses and get rid of it, and now I'm raking it in.

[oddoneout]

...meet the King's Bargemaster, whose job is to carry the monarch on water, and their crown jewels on land.

From the local rag's TV listings. It was the second responsibility that first caught my eye(for the wrong reason), but walking on water to carry the monarch is quite some feat.

[RichardB]

Found by chance...

"Richard Barrett’s net worth or net income is estimated to be $1 million – $2 million dollars. He has made such an amount of wealth from his primary career as a Composer."

https://buzzlearn.com/richard-barrett-2/?utm_content=cmp-true

"Richard Barrett (composer) has had many different hairstyles lately. He became famous as an excellent composer and university teacher. Nevertheless, the British composer is especially known for his unusual sense of fashion and his delightful personality. Rumors and gossip about the 64-year old's hairstyle are continously in the spotlight of celebrity magazines and tabloids. Don't you wish you had hair like Richard Barrett (composer)?"

https://www.hairlebrity.com/Richard%...tt%20(composer)

I AM ONLY 63

[oddoneout]

Found by chance...

"Richard Barrett’s net worth or net income is estimated to be $1 million – $2 million dollars. He has made such an amount of wealth from his primary career as a Composer."

https://buzzlearn.com/richard-barrett-2/?utm_content=cmp-true

"Richard Barrett (composer) has had many different hairstyles lately. He became famous as an excellent composer and university teacher. Nevertheless, the British composer is especially known for his unusual sense of fashion and his delightful personality. Rumors and gossip about the 64-year old's hairstyle are continously in the spotlight of celebrity magazines and tabloids. Don't you wish you had hair like Richard Barrett (composer)?"

https://www.hairlebrity.com/Richard%...tt%20(composer)

I AM ONLY 63

I note that "Facts" comes right at the end of all the other things we can find out about you...