Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

It reminded me of that old school playground joke:
'Mummy, Mummy, there's a man at the door with a bill!'
'Don't be silly, son, it must be a duck with a hat on!'

Mummy Mummy, please can I have my duck tape back now?

[Serial_Apologist]

This morning on Storm Huntley (channel 5):

"Now Alexis Conran will be on shortly, so we'll have a chance to find out what's happening in Alexis' corner".

Only jazz and blues fans have to be candidates for understanding this joke.

[oddoneout]

I won't call it a joke*, but is there not a certain irony in TransPennine doing this?

https://www.railadvent.co.uk/2024/01/transpennine-express-unveils-train-dedicated-to-the-pride-community.html

Cancel culture and nominative determinism sprang to mind.


*But I suspect others won't be so circumspect

[LMcD]

I won't call it a joke*, but is there not a certain irony in TransPennine doing this?

https://www.railadvent.co.uk/2024/01/transpennine-express-unveils-train-dedicated-to-the-pride-community.html

Cancel culture and nominative determinism sprang to mind.


*But I suspect others won't be so circumspect

Only a cynic would suggest that this is another attempt to make us forget that in the year to March 2023 only 52.2% of their trains were on time.

[Serial_Apologist]

I won't call it a joke*, but is there not a certain irony in TransPennine doing this?

https://www.railadvent.co.uk/2024/01/transpennine-express-unveils-train-dedicated-to-the-pride-community.html

Cancel culture and nominative determinism sprang to mind.


*But I suspect others won't be so circumspect

[Serial_Apologist]

Only a cynic would suggest that this is another attempt to make us forget that in the year to March 2023 only 52.2% of their trains were on time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm only a cynic.

By the way, what cure would posters recommend for cynicism? Answer: a syndicate. (I only just thought that one up).

[oddoneout]

Don't get me wrong, I'm only a cynic.

By the way, what cure would posters recommend for cynicism? Answer: a syndicate. (I only just thought that one up).

Or a sinecure.

[LMcD]

Or a sinecure.

If we can find something that really works, I guess it would become a sine qua non.

[Serial_Apologist]

Or a sinecure.

That is much better than mine!

[Serial_Apologist]

If we can find something that really works, I guess it would become a sine qua non.

Or, more topically, a silly QAnon.

[johncorrigan]

This is an old favourite of mine. I think it's been handed down in the family through generations?! I was reminded of it again last night.

Two horses standing in a field having a wee blether. One says to the other:' The strangest thing happened to me the other day. I was in the two-thirty at Haydock and I was trailing about ten lengths behind all the rest. I was thinking I would have to get up early for the milk round the next morning , when suddenly this bee comes down and stings me on the bum. I got such a fright that I bolted past all the other horses. Won the race by five lengths...first time I ever won a race in my life!'
The other horse goes: 'That's a coincidence. I was in the three o'clock at Wincanton the other day. I was dawdling along, fifteen lengths behind the pack, thinking I was in danger of visiting the glue factory next day, when suddenly a bee came down, stung me on the bum. I got such a fright I went racing past all the others. Won the race by ten lengths. Amazing. Never won a race in my life!'
Just at that point this greyhound comes strolling by. He says: 'That's strange. I was coming out of trap 6 the other night in the fourth race at Shawfield. I was ages behind the rest, reckoning the hare was going to catch up with me. Suddenly a bee came down and stung me on the bum. I got such a fright that I shot off, past all the other dugs. Won the race by twenty lengths. Never won a race in my life before!'
At that point one of the horses turns to the other and says: 'Would you credit that?! A talkin' dog!'

[johncorrigan]

BBC Radio 4's 'The News Quiz' came from Belfast last night. In an attempt to explain the leaders of the new executive, one panellist said that the DUP's Emma Little-Pengelly, the new deputy, came from from Lagan Valley. 'To explain Lagan Valley,' she said, 'It's like Silicon Valley but without the Tech! In other words, less Apple, more Orange!'

[Serial_Apologist]

BBC Radio 4's 'The News Quiz' came from Belfast last night. In an attempt to explain the leaders of the new executive, one panellist said that the DUP's Emma Little-Pengelly, the new deputy, came from from Lagan Valley. 'To explain Lagan Valley,' she said, 'It's like Silicon Valley but without the Tech! In other words, less Apple, more Orange!'

It was a good one today (compared to last week's panelfull of Tory "comics" (the Sun, Mail and Telegraph being the authentic ones). Sadly I was too otherwise preoccupied to note them down.

[johncorrigan]

The police stopped me when I was out in my car last night. They said it was just a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.
(with thanks to Chic Murray)

[Serial_Apologist]

The police stopped me when I was out in my car last night. They said it was just a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.
(with thanks to Chic Murray)

Do you happen to be one of the Moonies?